My Life

Stuff about me. After all, it is really all about me, isn't it.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Let the carolling comence!

And NOW you may begin tree trimmings and singing Christmas songs and buying presents. What is with retail stores? They have had Christmas stuff out since October. It's just wrong. And where is all of the Hanukkah stuff?

I love the holidays, probably more for the anticipation and build up than anything else. This year it I will be celebrating a little extra since it will mark my 2/5 done with school celebration. :) I'm glad I can finally start playing my Christmas music and annoying everyone with my obnoxious holiday sox. Woo hoo! Bring on the scented pine cones and tacky lawn ornaments!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

What became of all the boys
Who only want one thing
Will someone tell me what I'm doin' wrong

'Cause the good ones all got wedding rings
And the young ones are just too dumb
I don't think I have any more
Room underneath my thumb
Maybe after all the ends do justify the means
Is it guilty in here or is it just me...


I feel like my life is a bunch of compartmentalized units. Student/teacher, friend of 10,000 people with babies and who are married, single girls. It's weird. I don't know if it is hanging with kids all the time or the fact that I freaking love my friends' kids, but I'm having a mild internal struggle about the whole baby/relationship business. MJ even dared me to join a dating site. And I did it. Not that I really have time to date right now, but sometimes I think about all the fun stuff that I could be doing in a couple. Not that I can't do it alone. I mean, yesterday I went wine tasting for passport alone. Sad? Perhaps, but I really wanted to go and everyone who was so psyched to go before bailed for one reason or another. And to be honest, it felt like a big step for me. I get really anxious about doing things like that all alone. I didn't go for long and I was the only person there my herself, but I did it all the same.

Now it's off to procrastinate as long as possible. I have so much school work to do that I am beyond overwhelmed and my brain/body are in avoidance/shut down mode. I don't even know where to start. I need to just do it.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007






This weekend I spent some time getting reacquainted with one of my great loves...Project Runway. There was a marathon on Bravo, boo-yah. AND Annie got hooked too. I can not tell you the pleasure I get seeing my little sis get so into something that I actually like too. It rules!

Watch it. Love it.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Looking for a better way,
To take me back to yesterday,
It's gone now and oh how I do things differently,
Maybe I should leave it be,
Step back from reality,
Never say never.

I've been thinking about you lately...


Yeah...thinks have been hard the past few weeks. I am glad that I am moving forward with my life and career and all, but I get overwhelmed sometimes. And relationships get strained. And I find myself with the urge to cry way more than is normal. I know it's stress. There are tons of people in this program who are going through the same things. We have talked about it. I have watched people sob in class week after week.

I've been in a fairly reflective place lately. Remembering people who used to be a big part of my life who aren't anymore. I guess that there is a reason for things, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel that it sucks sometimes. I find it really hard to resist the urge to go back. To question why things didn't work. I know that's probably not the smart thing to do, but when I get in these moods I have to force myself to be rational and not retreat to what is/was familiar and safe.

Yes I am vague. I know. Sorry. I am very grateful to have today off, even if I have to spend time doing school work. Sigh. I'm getting through it. Only 9 months left.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Because I love it...

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don' t
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

---Dr. Seuss

Friday, November 02, 2007

It's funny how things turn out. I go back and forth between thinking that I might actually be figuring this whole life thing out and then something stupid and little happens and I realize that I don't know a damn thing. I guess all I can do is keep on keepin' on and realize that things will be how they will be. I am working hard. I am stressed. Such is life. I think everyone feels that way at some point or maybe even most of the time. Maybe being on the verge of overwhelmed keeps us on our toes and reminds us that we have to work for what we want.

Plus I was reminded today that when I need to be irrational and moody, there are plenty of people who will listen to me bitch and who have my back. No matter how lame I am being. I am so thankful for that.

The past few weeks/months have been a blur. I feel like I have been in school forever and a minute at the same time. These people that I spend so much time with are becoming another family for me. It's the nature of the program, but a blessing all the same.

Thank goodness for girls nights, soft sheets, warm smiles, virtual hugs and the oh so romantic glow of the laptop to keep me semi-sane.

Halloween was a week of crazy. Partying in San Jo with Shannon and crew was a blast. I got to meet some great people and reminded myself that I am old now. Alcohol is not my friend, a lesson that carried over into Wednesday's activities. Being at a school on Halloween rocks. The kids have so much joy and enthusiasm. Being around them makes me appreciate the moments that happen all the time, but that you can miss if you aren't paying attention. My class played with dry ice and found such joy in it. It's encouraging to see that they really are kids and it is pretty easy to make them happy. Also, you can never remind them too many times about safety rules. One frostbitten tongue and they learn their lesson the hard way. That night the festivities continued with good friends and people watching downtown. And Moons Over My Hammy, no ham.

Check out MySpace or Facebook for pics if you are interested.

Happy Friday!