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The funny thing is, even though I make less than half as much money I used to, I feel infinitely richer.

I used to stress out about the smallest details, convinced that someone would find me out, that I really wasn't competent and that I would be sacked. And you know, my neuroses were not entirely unfounded. Of course their roots were not in my incompetence, but rather in the fact that I was simply unhappy. I let stress get to me, that's no secret. And I think some people can sense that and take advantage of it.

98% of the time, I put my all in things, no matter how mundane they may be. I want to be appreciated and seen in a positive light, but I also know that this is not always an option. I fuck up. Everybody does. Sometimes you just have to deal with it and move on. And sometimes you aren't allowed to.

In the past month and a half I have experienced more joy in the workplace than I knew to be possible. I have traded stilettos for sneakers and cutting edge technology for paste and glitter, but I absolutely love it. Children have a way of making you feel loved and accepted in a way that I hardly knew possible.

I knew from my relationships and interactions with my siblings what I was getting myself into, so I think that I approached this job from a really good place. Beyond that, I was utterly burned out from long commutes and thankless hours doing work with seemingly intangible rewards. It was affecting my sleep, my skin and my sanity. It's amazing how much has changed for me.

I still do menial labor, mopping floors and disinfecting tables, washing my hands 20 times a day, but it is all worth it. Every day I have a child come up to me and give me a hug. They tell me how "cool" I am, how pretty I am, how they want to be with me and do my projects. How much they like me. And even when they are mad at me, they get over it. Fast. And my boss compliments me too. She tells me how much she appreciates my hard work. And it feels really good. I know this is something that I can be good at. I felt so much pride passing the CSET because it represents something that I truly care about.

Also, in the past few months I have gone through some tough moments while trying to reconcile the state of my personal life. As part of the journey of getting my teaching credential, I decided to move home, something I never thought I would do. Sacrificing my personal space, privacy and independence is something that I was not sure I could do. And it has been an adjustment for sure. I love being so close to my family, but sometimes I feel old beyond my years and like a child at the same time. Such is the life of a 25 year old living at home with young siblings and a grandmother all under the same roof.

In the years since college, my friends have spread across the state. It has left me feeling somewhat isolated and lonely at times. But then I came to a realization. Although I may have to work a little harder to see them, the quality of people in my life is at an all time high. I truly love and care about so many people, I know I am blessed with an awesome group of friends. Having their support, along with my family, has made all the difference in me making the decision to search for and follow my dreams, and for that I will be eternally grateful.