So. Instead of spending new years in Vegas partying with my girls, I am sick as a dog on my couch. It takes all I have to walk to the bathroom.

Everyone told me that my new job working with kids would expose me to so many germs that I would be sick all the time. Up until a few days ago I was lucky and pretty healthy. Not any more. Whatever I have is royally kicking my ass. It looks like this year I will be celebrating by watching movies from the couch and trying not to cough up a lung. Let's just hope that I am well enough to watch they kiddies by Tuesday.

Merry Christmas to all

...and to all a good night!

What is it about the holidays and my family that stresses me out so much??? Every year it's the same. It could be that my brother refuses to help plan or makes decisions or even buy Christmas presents on his own. Or the fact that for some reason other people feel the need to complain to me about it, as if I have any control over him. He's 22 and makes his own choices.

I love my family to death, but every freaking holiday they bring me to tears with their obsessive and ever-changing schedules. I swear, when I have kids of my own I am staying at my own place and making people come to me if they want to see me!

Ho, ho, merry ho.

What a crazy time of year. I love Christmas, but it fees like I have barely gotten a chance to enjoy it or let it soak in this year.

Despite the fact that I have come into contact with more glitter in the past month than I thought humanly possible, I am utterly unprepared for the holidays. I only started shopping for gifts last weekend. While baby Sofia's arrival was a very joyous event that I am so happy to have been a part of, her timing knocked my planning for a loop.

At work I undertook a project for my kinder kids that was more labor-intensive than I had anticipated. I took pictures of all the kiddies so that we could make personalized gifts for their parents. I should have known it would not have been a simple assignment. It was easy to get the pictures taken, but everything else took minor to significant shuffling. I decided to use teddy bear cutouts and then stick their pics in the face area and attach candy canes to hang them as ornaments. They are adorable, but I had to come up with a new template and cut out enough for all of the kids before we could even start to think about the decoration. Plus some (well a lot actually) of the kids have divorced parents, so we wanted to make sure that they had once for each. I know how much having to choose which parent to give gifts to sucks.

Also, we have two different times that kinders are in the program and all the kids come on different days. And we had to make sure to wrap them and give them to the parents before the break. As of today we completed all of these steps, but it was pretty dang exhausting, although also fun and worth it.

Yesterday the lunch lady told me that she has noticed how I seem so happy lately. She's noticed that I have a glow about me and that working with kids really brings out the light in me. Hearing things like that reaffirm the fact that I am doing something that I love and am good at. It helps when I am tired or things don't go as expected. Even at the bad parts I love it. I never thought I wouldn't care about gross things like helping change a kid's pants after he has an accident or mopping a floor after an especially messy art project, but I don't.

Yesterday I also found out that after the break I am going to be reassigned to a different school. My time at my current site was always meant to be temporary and I was hired as a sub, but somehow I guess I just didn't think I would get so attached to the kids. I know all of their quirks. They finally listen to me. I have a few extra-sweet kids that I feel really close to that I know I am going to miss like crazy. Plus I am friends with the staff at my current site. Making new friends and meeting new kids seems like a bit of a daunting task. I know I can do it, but I will really miss my routine. Plus you can't beat my current commute of less than 5 minutes.

During my break I am working on my application for grad school. I already have all my entrance tests taken care of, but I need to write my essay and get everything in order. This week I secured two of my three letters of recommendation, but now I have to figure out what I am going to do about the third one. I had everything all figured out a few months ago, but things changed and now I am a glowing reference short. The good news is that the ones I have rock the his-ouse. :)

Oh, and tomorrow I am getting my hair done for the first time in almost 8 months. It's about time.

Busy stuff. I hope in the next week I can take time to relax and catch up with people I may have been (totally unintentionally) neglecting in the past few weeks and months. I miss you all and hope that everyone has I super-dooper-fantastic holiday season.

Sofia is here!

Welcome to the world Ms. Sofia Mari. And let me say, it's about time!

Ever since I learned that you were on your way I've been itching to meet you and you have not disappointed.

Last weekend I drove to visit your mommy and daddy in hopes that, since you were already over a week late, you would make your appearance. But you had your own plans. All weekend we looked up old wives' tales about labor-inducing methods, even thinking up some of our own, but in the end we figured you would come in your own time. We were right.

Monday morning at work I felt my phone vibrate. It was time...or so we thought. I begged my coworkers to cover my shift, then took off to meet you.

When I got to the hospital, it was crammed full of your family. Everyone was so excited to meet you. Your mom was in excellent spirits, despite having had some pretty painful labor already. After several hours, you seem resolved to give your dad an easy birthday to remember. 12-12 it would be!

At 3:30am, I had to leave the hospital to make it to work and you still hadn't come out. Mommy had some serious pain, despite an epidural, but she handled it like a rockstar (and I should know since I'm THE OG rockstar).

I functioned at work that day on sheer will and adrenaline. When I learned that you had been born (FINALLY) I was excited and relieved all at the same time.

Of course, after you were here, it took all of my willpower to make it through the week. When I told my little brother that I was coming to meet you, he was so excited he demanded to come along. Some day you two will have lots of fun making mischief together.

And now that I'm here, now that I have held you and cuddled with you and changed your diaper? I can't believe how amazing and beautiful you are. Your parents are very blessed to have someone so wonderful in their lives. I know that the three of you will have so much fun in the days, weeks and years to come. There is so much love in your family and your life. I can't wait to see what great things are in store for you.

Oh and of course, happy birthday little booger!

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The funny thing is, even though I make less than half as much money I used to, I feel infinitely richer.

I used to stress out about the smallest details, convinced that someone would find me out, that I really wasn't competent and that I would be sacked. And you know, my neuroses were not entirely unfounded. Of course their roots were not in my incompetence, but rather in the fact that I was simply unhappy. I let stress get to me, that's no secret. And I think some people can sense that and take advantage of it.

98% of the time, I put my all in things, no matter how mundane they may be. I want to be appreciated and seen in a positive light, but I also know that this is not always an option. I fuck up. Everybody does. Sometimes you just have to deal with it and move on. And sometimes you aren't allowed to.

In the past month and a half I have experienced more joy in the workplace than I knew to be possible. I have traded stilettos for sneakers and cutting edge technology for paste and glitter, but I absolutely love it. Children have a way of making you feel loved and accepted in a way that I hardly knew possible.

I knew from my relationships and interactions with my siblings what I was getting myself into, so I think that I approached this job from a really good place. Beyond that, I was utterly burned out from long commutes and thankless hours doing work with seemingly intangible rewards. It was affecting my sleep, my skin and my sanity. It's amazing how much has changed for me.

I still do menial labor, mopping floors and disinfecting tables, washing my hands 20 times a day, but it is all worth it. Every day I have a child come up to me and give me a hug. They tell me how "cool" I am, how pretty I am, how they want to be with me and do my projects. How much they like me. And even when they are mad at me, they get over it. Fast. And my boss compliments me too. She tells me how much she appreciates my hard work. And it feels really good. I know this is something that I can be good at. I felt so much pride passing the CSET because it represents something that I truly care about.

Also, in the past few months I have gone through some tough moments while trying to reconcile the state of my personal life. As part of the journey of getting my teaching credential, I decided to move home, something I never thought I would do. Sacrificing my personal space, privacy and independence is something that I was not sure I could do. And it has been an adjustment for sure. I love being so close to my family, but sometimes I feel old beyond my years and like a child at the same time. Such is the life of a 25 year old living at home with young siblings and a grandmother all under the same roof.

In the years since college, my friends have spread across the state. It has left me feeling somewhat isolated and lonely at times. But then I came to a realization. Although I may have to work a little harder to see them, the quality of people in my life is at an all time high. I truly love and care about so many people, I know I am blessed with an awesome group of friends. Having their support, along with my family, has made all the difference in me making the decision to search for and follow my dreams, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

Jen's world, party time, excellent!

WOOO HOOOO!!!
I passed all 3 sections of the CEST!!! I am so psyched. I had a nightmare last night that I had failed and all day I was tense thinking about it. Now I can relax and focus on writing my essays and finishing the applications. YAY!