Do you see it?

What the hell is wrong with me? Why did I have to place all of these hopes and expectations on something that was never going to happen. I am such an idiot. Sometimes I think the world's real cruel joke is to have us biologially programed to have such powerful emotions and ability to attach to people. I understand the need to bond with your young and all, but damn feelings can get freaking annoying. I hate it.

I guess I'm having a pissed off day.

And I still feel the same way about the donkey balls.

Today blows. Big fat donkey balls.

I don't think I even know what to say anymore. It's like that.

I'm very glad to be nearing a break. Scared out of my damn mind, but excited too.

Weighing the pros and cons

So. You know how sometimes you are presented with something that you know is bad for you, but you still really wanted and are tempted to just go for it.

Like the person who is allergic to milk and yet REALLY wants that ice cream. You know you will be paying for it later, but right now the ice cream just looks sooooo yummy. Your friends warn you that it will make you sick, but it has chocolate on top. And sprinkles. And whipped cream. So you take a bite. Just a small one at first. And that bite makes you really happy. You forgot how much you miss ice cream. You really missed it. You missed it so much that you decide to take one more bite, I mean two bites won't hurt you.

Then, before you know it, you've scarfed the whole thing down, to the very last sprinkle. And then your stomach starts to ache. And it aches a lot. And you think to yourself, I know I shouldn't have eaten that. All my friends DID tell me I shouldn't. My head told me it was a bad idea.

But you really wanted it. And while you were eating it you were really happy. Happier than you have been in quite some time. But now here you are with this sour stomach. And you know that it will take some time to digest, some time to get it out of your system. And hopefully some day you will find an ice cream that you love just as much, but one that won't make your stomach hurt.

It's like that.

OK. So. Maybe you were right. Maybe I don't want it to end. Maybe I do care a bit. Do I have regrets? No. Still no. But that doesn't mean I don't know I will miss it. I already do.

And I'm not talking about work. ;)

It's almost "Criminal"

I've been a bad, bad girl,
I've been careless with a delicate man.
And it's a sad, sad world,
When a girl can break a boy
Just because she can.

Don't you tell me to deny it,
I've done wrong and I want to
Suffer for my sins.
I've come to you cause I need
Guidance to be true
And I just dont know where I can begin...

Heaven help me for the way I am.
Save me from these evil deeds,
Before I get them done.
I know tomorrow brings the consequence
At hand.
But I keep livin this day like
The next will never come...

Perhaps the shift in attitude is due to the fact that I just made a major decision that also means a life change, but I am bad. And I kind of like it. mmm hmmm. Might as well have fun while I can.

Reach out and touch someone

It's crazy how things turn out sometimes.

I've always been one of those people who remembers weird random facts. Especially birthdays, but there's certainly more to it. Part of this is that when I do remember a birthday of someone who, say, I went to middle school with, I start to think about them. A pretty big chunk of time has passed and so I wonder where life has taken them. With the introduction of such handy tools as classmates.com, google and myspace, it's often easy to actually find out.

The thing is, I never really expect people to do the same to me. I mean, surely there are some people that remember me and think about me from time to time, but for some reason I never really expected them to find me. Until they do. And then it's the oddest thing. What do you say to someone who you used to be really close to and then all this time passes and you are practically strangers. But strangers who know a lot about each other. Who get each other's quirks and habits. Some one who can probably guess what you are going to order off a menu and whether you like ranch or Italian (or a combo of bleu and basalmic).

And then I'm amazed at how easy it can be. Sometimes there's that weird, okay now what silence, but then there's also the comfort in knowing that there are people out there thinking of you too. And than gives me butterflies. I mean, I know we don't live forever, but with people who know and love you spread out all over. It's like a part of you gets to touch lives all over the world. And I think that's pretty neat.

There you go Lee... ;-)

Hi everyone -

I have mixed news to share with you. For Sterling, the sad news is that Jennifer will be leaving us as of October 20th. But -- there's a silver lining: Jennifer is pursuing a teaching career and pursuing her passion. So, while Sterling will miss Jennifer, I couldn't be happier for her personally.

On the business side of this news, we are shifting operations responsibilities to address Sterling's needs. We do not have plans to hire a replacement as we want to let the "dust settle" in our (newish) roles.

Join me in wishing Jennifer all the best in her new life adventure.

S