I took a sanity day off yesterday. It was so nice to just do nothing and not even look at email.

But of course I come back today to passive aggressive and bitchy emails and I get stressed all over again. So much for relaxing. At least this is the start of a kind of long weekend. I have to work Monday, but a lot of people are going to be off, so it should be pretty low-key.

Also, last night I went out with Amy as a b-day celebration and saw Superman. It was pretty good. Very entertaining.

The goal for today is just concentrate on the fun I get to have being pampered tomorrow. Yay hair!

I used to love corn nuts. They are crunchy and salty, what's not to love.

That was before.

I have a coworker who eats strange combos of food at odd times throughout the day. It used to be as boring as eating peanut butter out of his huge jar with a spoon. Just him and his jar, all day long. A few weeks ago he started eating popcorn at 9:00am. The smell totally drove my senses wonky and made the day drag. Now he's on a corn nut kick, just in time for his move closer to me. Every morning, crunch...crunch...crunch. After lunch, crunch...crunch...crunch. In the later afternoon, crunch...crunch...crunch. The man eats 3 or 4 bags a day. And the smell! It's just so pungent. The whole office can hear and smell him. We have made subtle comments and jokes to no avail.

I'm afraid that he may have ruined corn nuts for me. So sad.

When you work a 12 hour day, it's easy to find yourself a little burnt out the day after. Especially when you think about all the people who have the day off and none of those people are you. It's easy to get wrapped up in conversations that have absolutely nothing to do with what you are supposed to be working on. Then you get to thinking...I hope they don't really monitor everything that I do on this computer. I'm screwed either way, so what the hell.

What stared off as a conversation about flowers turned into something much less G-rated.
(the following has been edited and condensed for flow and preservation of anonymity)

G1: did you read my blog?
G2: not yet, new post?
G1: 2 new ones today. tell me if I am the single strangest girl you've ever met
G2: [reads] you don't like flowers?
G1: I am a lady and I don't like flowers. I should have added another reason I hate them to my blog
G2: I like getting flowers. It makes me feel spoiled
G1: Cos of that scene in "Sliding Doors" when her cheating boyfriend gave her flowers at dinner because he was being unfaithful
G2: yeah, he was totally a skeeze though
G1: true dat. I like getting flowers, but only if they're from someone who really knows me well and isn't just using it as an excuse not to get me a thoughtful birthday present
G2: totally
G1: like for eg: my roomie gave me a gift voucher to Good Vibes for Xmas, and it was so thoughtful - cos he knows me well!
G2: lol. much better than generic flowers!
G1: hahah I know
G2: I want to go there
G1: same. I told roomie he only gave me half the present so he told me he'll take me there this week and then I told him the present was COMPLETE!
G2: I totally disposed of most of my "collection" since I am moving home
G1: lol. that is sad
G2: well I don't want anyone finding things
G1: I hid mine in a certain drawer when I lived with my mom
G2: yeah, I'm going to have to go back to that. I had quite the collection too. I feel a naughty blog entry coming on
G1: how many? lol
G2: hmm, let me think
G1: I encourage it!!
G2: at least 6, hahah, I'm a perv
G1: mine is: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. I only have 3 now. I meant at one time
G2: I have 2 now
G1: oh, that is my life total
G2: A few were inoperable though
G1: I am about to add the latest one now. why were they inoperable???
G2: yeah, I need a silent one
G1: same. or waterproof
G2: thin walls. I had that (waterproof), it worked too. glow in the dark. trashed it
G1: glow in the freaking dark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
G2: too big and unruly, yes
G1: that is the funniest thing I have heard all day
G2: and "life-like"
G1: the absolute funniest
G2: with veins and it was rubbery
G1: I have heard of it, and seen it, but never known anyone who used one!
G2: yup
G1: this is fun
G2: I know
G1: and you are just like me in that you are a freak but can't bring yourself to be a ho'
G2: Totally. some guy is really going to luck out at some point
G1: yep, EX did. I was a crazy one when we lived together
G2: I used to attack my ex sometimes. it was fun *sigh*
G1: I am waiting for the next one - that is why I take so much time - I want to invest wisely in the next one
G2: yeah
G1: I want to find a mirror soul
G2: when I live alone again I will re-invest
G1: someone the same - but who doesn't cheat, cos it's a hard combo to find
G2: did you see that Perez Hilton had one named after him?
G1: no!
G2: yeah
G1: lol
G2: perez jr.
G1: CLASSIC. I think you should blog.... it should be a long one - just like we all deserve

How most of the people I know feel...

STILL. AT. WORK.



*crying*

A whole day of packing and moving and what do I have to show for it? Not a whole lot. I'm a little stiff and stuffy from all of the lifting and dust. I moved a lot of my non-essential items, like my books and jackets. I realize now that the room is much smaller than I had originally thought. Oh well. Free is free. I am going to need to get rid of a ton more stuff. I think it will be good for me. Cleansing or something like that.

Mostly right now I'm just overwhelmed at the task ahead. Janet was a super dooper trooper and big help. Couldn't have done it without her. Hopefully I will be able to scam some more boxes and just do a couple at a time. Basically I won't have much free time at all between now and the end of July. Craziness.

What's is going on with the world? It seems like there is so much sickness, disease, death around lately. It can't just be that I am getting older. I'm not that old.

At least 4 of my friends have someone close to them who is having some kind of health issue or has passed away within the past two weeks. These are good people. Kind and considerate. Why do they have to be sick or die?

I asked these same questions when my grandma died too. She was such a neat, dynamic, gentle, loving person and yet she had to die. Her husband, my grandpa, has been a cantankerous jerk his whole life. He fights with his children and makes bad decisions. His mental health and attitude are now driving apart the family that she tried so hard to build and keep together. It's exhausting to see how people who love each other can be petty and spiteful and turn on each other. I just doesn't make sense that he would be the one to stick around while she's gone. It's situations like this that make me unable to wholly believe in a compassionate divine being.

This brings me back to the ill loved ones. It's so hard to see the people I care about suffer. I know every situation is different, but I wish I could do or say something to help them. I still feel a deep ache when I think about my grandma. Hopefully I can sympathize with what they are going through, but I won't try to pretend I can say or do something to make it all better. Nothing can do that. So I guess all I, or really anyone, can do is try to listen if they want to talk and be there for a needed hug.

So, if you are upset or hurting or worried about someone, my thoughts are with you. Give me a call if you need to chat and I'll be here with a squeeze if you need that too. Love ya.

I was sitting in a training session for several hours yesterday. We discussed databases that I don't know, nor will I ever really use. One of the people we are training is an intern who is still in college. The other is an AE level account person, she already knows the basics. It's really interesting to see how they react to what we are learning. Eye rolling, crazy questions, it's all there.

After 2 hours of the stuff, we got sidetracked and started eating cookies and talking about "Chavs." For all of us non-brits, that's the white trash in the UK. Eventually we ended up having a full-on google fest including gems like Mr. Grills and chracters from "Snatch." Even though it was just a few minutes, the break was much-needed. The office is expanding so quickly, I hope that people don't begin to feel lost in the shuffle.

When did it get so HOT???
It's even hot in San Francisco. This is surely a sign of the apocalypse.

I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I will never be able to leave work before 6:00pm. I got here at 7:45am. I'm tired. I need to go home. I need to be paid more.

Thank you for "listening."

That blows!

I fell like this weekend was a whirlwind of craziness and I'm more exhausted than I was Friday, if that's even possible.

Friday night was nice and low key. I finished my dad's Fathers' Day present and relaxed at home. I ended up working on it until much later than I had anticipated and didn't go to bed until 12:30 or so. Not exactly late, but still.

Anyway, I woke up Saturday much later than I had planned. I put the finishing touches on the present and wandered around the house, mingling with Berndette's family members and talking about the best strategies for tackling graduation ceremony logistics. After a nice long shower I hovered in the corner of the kitchen, lamely attempting to help Ericka with some food prep. When B's folks finally took off, we went into full blown decoration mode. After establishing that her grandmother grew up in a small Montana town right next to where I was born I had to rush off to SF.

I got to Jo's around 3:30 and went on the great parking hunt. Her place is in a very desirable locations, which means I had to pull out the big parking karma guns. In the end it was Jo's excellent vision and a little illegal backing up that scored us a primo spot.

We went inside to preen and do some starter Jello shots while the party started rocking. After we were satisfied with our appearance and buzz (not necessarily in that order) we headed downstairs to mingle and mooch off the keg. The next few hours are a blur of stairs, people, beer, music and fun. We were all over the place. By the time 8:00 rolled around we were straight up tossed.

At 10:00 or so we decided food was necessary. We went in search of a phantom Mexican restaurant and then settled on BK (Hungry Jack's to the Aussies). The guy behind the counter was a little too interested in our drunken and foolish ways, but he was friendly and indulged us in taking our picture so all was good.

We headed back to her house up hills I swear we never walked down. In the half hour we were gone, the kegs (all 5 of them) had apparently dried up and almost all of the party goers had disappeared. Just the roomies and their close friends remained and we all goofed around while we waited for their pizza to arrive. Eventually we decided that we were too tired to stay awake and turned in.

Sometime in the AM, around the hour when homeless people started rummaging through the garbage to extract all recyclables, I woke up sick to my stomach and lost it. Not fun. After that I felt better though. We rolled out of bed for good after 10, went downstairs and surveyed the damage. Not too bad.

It must be said that Jo is a rockstar with a mop. Kudos! ;-)

Cleaning under control, we vegged on the couch and enjoyed the Coyote Ugly marathon on CMT for a few hours. It was great. I could have stayed there all day, but it was Fathers' Day so I headed out and hit the road.

I was cruising down 280 at a pretty speedy pace when it started to feel like the road was extra bumpy. I knew that feeling. NOT GOOD. I was in the left hand lane and traffic was whizzing by so I could only get over to the left. I understand this is a no-no, but I had no choice. I got out and surveyed the damage. Flat right front tire. This was my 4th flat tire from the set. Freaking tires with their faulty stems have caused me endless trouble. Frustrated, I got back in my car and called my dad to let him know what was going on. He was less than thrilled at the prospect of me changing a tire next to speeding traffic with no protection.

Just as our conversation was coming to a head, I looked in my review mirror and saw a police officer pulled up behind me. I got out and we talked about what was wrong with my car, the fact that I was not allowed to be on that side of the road and how we could fix it. I was going to have to call a tow truck and spend $80. I was not too thrilled with that idea and I let him know it. Hangovers and car problems seem to bring out my bold side.

Plan B. He would run a traffic break and escort me to the right shoulder where we would have more room and be better protected from the cars. That sounded free to me, so he radioed a buddy up the freeway who stopped traffic for me. Did you read that? They STOPPED 280. Awesome. I cut across quickly and started pulling my spare and jack out of my car since I'm an old pro now. Mr. Cop would have none of it. Dude changed my tire for me. It was a good thing too because I had a migraine coming on quickly.

We chit chatted while he worked on my tire and then I was on my way, going 55 mph all the way to SJ. It was fantastic. Angry little old ladies glared at me. While I drove, my dad called the Costcos in the area since there was no way I was going to go all the way to SC with the world's smallest spare. Besides, since this was my 4th!!! flat tire from this set, I wanted some sort of compensation.

The guy at the Costco tire center started to go on about how the tires were not under warranty, blah blah, prorated, blah blah, except they no longer make the size tire I have. I can't have one tire smaller than the rest so I would either have to go somewhere else or I would have to buy 4 new tires. WTF?!?!? I was not about to pay for new tires when the whole reason I was there in the first place (4 times) was the shitty ass broken-stemmed tires that they sold me.

I started to get more annoyed than I already was and my migraine was not dissipating at all. Then Mr. Costco man started to cooperate. In fact, he started kicking some serious ass. After a stern talking to about tire pressure and rotation and, "you can find all this in the manual," he gave me a sweet deal. He would credit me 100% of the value of three of the tires and 50% of the busted one. And the new tires were cheaper than the old ones. So, basically I was going to pay for 50% of one tire and get 4 all new tires. Plus free installation. Sounds good to me!

For 4 new tires I ended up with a bill less than $10.

After all of the tire drama, things turned out about as well as they possibly could have AND I got 4 new tires out of the deal. I know how lucky I am to have met such a helpful cop and a tire guy who took pity on my ass.

After a family dinner and some down time at my dad's, I hauled my exhausted booty home on my shiny new tires and went to bed. Today I am still tired and I feel a little like a train ran over me, but I know I am fortunate that things turned out as well as they did. All-in-all I had some kick ass times this weekend. Now all I have to do is motivated myself enough to start the packing process next weekend. It's going to be a crazy month people. Crazy. I can't wait for August and a little fun in the sun.

Further proof I am a freak

Just in case you missed the rest of the signs and was under the impression that I am a normal, non-weird, functional human being let me enlighten you.

Besides my crazy M&M's and TP neuroses, I have a few more obsessive ticks up my sleeve.

I hate peeling skin. Hate it. It totally give me the heebeegeebies. When I was 12 or so I was on a vacation at Lake Tahoe with my grandma, her boyfriend and his granddaughter. So this girl had the most amazing long black hair. She was part Native American her hair was like Pochahontis from the Disney movies. Being the hair genius that I am, I was in heaven with a real-life Barbie to play with. She liked it too because I was 2 years older and therefore automatically cool. Anyway, I was brushing her hair with my brush and braiding it when I noticed that she had dandruff. That in itself was kind of grody, but no, wait, IT WAS MOVING. Girl had LICE. And I was using my hair brush on her.

I freaked out. My grandma boiled my brush (why I didn't just get a new one is beyond me) and put us in separate bedrooms. The rest of the weekend I freaked every time I had the tiniest tingle on my scalp. I never caught the lice, thank God, or I might have shaved my head immediately.

So now, every time I get a sunburn and see the peeling skin flake off I have some strange form of PTSD surface and I see the lice crawling on her head. When I actually burn my scalp, FORGET IT. I must pick with tweezers for hours. I spent a good amount of time in front of a mirror last night doing just that. Thankfully the peeling seems to be contained to the hairline and just past it so it is easily accessed. Regardless I will be very happy when I get down past the damaged cells and can enjoy a blissfully peel-free scalp once again.

Felling better about yourself yet? ;-)

I swear I just left, but here I am back at the office. This crap is killing me slowly. Door to door my work days have been 12 hours. I'm exhausted and it feels like for nothing.

What else is there...
I find myself digging girlie country/crossover stuff lately. The Wreckers, Dixie Chicks, Carrie Underwood, Natasha Beddingfield all have made appearances in my CD player. Maybe this stuff is just fitting for my mood lately. A little moody, a little jazzy, but not too peppy.

I don't know how everything that I have to get done is actually going to happen, but I guess it doesn't really matter. Do I sound all defeatist?

Workplace genius

L: <<<< Onion Breath >>>>
J: hahaah
J: poor Lisa
L: i offend myself
J: I'm nice and far away
J: sucka
L: hah
J: I had pesto 2 days ago and I was suffering yesterday
L: woo hoo
J: poor Dresden, it was BAD
L: ewww
J: I know
J: raw garlic is the devil
L: i hate waking up the next day after eating a ton of garlic and feeling like i just ate a whole bag of cool ranch doritos
J: totally!
J: that smell, taste
J: you need liquids
J: and peanut butter
J: and oranges
L: it's like you feel compelled to gargle clorox
J: things that may mask it
J: that too
J: although listerine is mostly ineffective
L: agreed

I haven't worked less than 10 hour days in weeks. I'm pooped. The whole company is. We hired more people, but that means training and more work for now. I think we are all reaching our breaking points. Time for a release, but that won't happen for at least 6 more weeks.

Even the weekends are not refreshing and restful. There's lots to do. Yes they are fun filled, but I think I need a week to just lay around in the sun and relax. Plus, having that little seed of change planted in my head, it's hard to concentrate.

Road trip anyone? I wish. :-)

When did I become an old person?

My sunburn is getting browner, but still sore. And I have heartburn. I took 2 tums and a gasex before I went to bed trying to prevent the garlic from butchering me. I love it so, but it refuses to love me back. I won't give up though. I love me that pesto. mmm hmmm.

There's a lot of stuff coming up. I feel exhausted thinking about it! Or maybe that's the 11 hours I worked yesterday...

I'm also trying to like water. I'm having a hard time because I really don't enjoy it at all unless I'm extremely parched from a workout. And even then I'd probably choose gatorade or something like that first. But I decided water is healthy. I know the lame facts about how we are made up of 70% water or something, but I figure I've made it this far I can survive without much of it. The point of all this is that with my increased water consumption I am beginning to understand why my coworkers and friends have such "weak bladders." All that liquid has to come out eventually. I think my status as human camel is in jeopardy.

Man, I am all over the place today. :-)

OUCH

You'd think I'd know better. I'm a whitey. I've always been. My dad AND grandma are redheads for goodness sakes. When I was a kid who spent summers in the sun I would tan well, but before I got to that point I would usually have one nasty burn to kick off the year. Even with sunscreen. Now that I spend the majority of my time slaving away in an office, my pastiness is at an all time high. When I'm in the sun, my legs refuse to get any color. At all. And self tanners are only a slight help.

So this Saturday, when I was getting ready for my cousin's graduation, I should have thought to put on sunscreen. Or at least bring it with me. But no. It was overcast, as it often is in the mornings in Santa Cruz, and I concentrated on layering and bringing sweaters over my UV protection. BIG MISTAKE.

Right about the time we hit Los Gatos the sun broke through the clouds. It was still breezy, but I could tell it was going to be a nice day. After a walk from the car holding a 60 lb kid I was warm. Sitting in the bleachers through the 2 hour ceremony became almost unbearable. I realized about half way through that I should probably put my cardigan back on, despite the heat, because I was headed for a burn. But it was too late.

By the time we got to the restaurant for lunch I knew I was a goner. I rubbed on lotions and aloe, but I'm a tomato. I think I may even be approaching eggplant. It looks like I have a perma-wifebeater. Sexy.

So today I'm trying not to let my clothes touch me and avoiding my coworkers' disapproving gazes. Yesterday, in hopes of appeasing the sun gods, I purchased even stronger face moisturizer/sunscreen and brand new all over cream. I've learned my lesson, at least until next year.

Why the French are up to no good

Some fucker hacked into my palpal account and stole $850 dollars from me. I'm pissed.

I thought I had removed my debit card, but I guess I hadn't and they sent themselves 550 euros and then another 100 euros. I just happened to check my hotmail account and see weird emails about transaction confirmations and then checked my bank statement online and saw that they were actually processing. I called the morons at the bank (BofA) and they said that they couldn't help me until the transactions processed. What kind of shit is that???!!!

So I logged into paypal to view my account and saw that they had already issued a fraud warning because the transactions were suspicious (seeing as how I am not European and have not used the account in 2 years) and were already taking steps to stop all of it. I called and the woman set me up with affidavits disputing the charges. The money is already coming out of my account, but the jerk(s) who took it will never see it because they caught it before then. As soon as they get the signed letter they will credit my account, but it will take a week probably. What a giant freaking pain in the ass. And of course it happened on a Friday so everything will take longer to process.

It makes me feel violated, people stealing your shit.

I have the bastards' names and accounts though. They were French. I hate French people today. My poor uncle and cousins. I blame them and their country.

So...
Marc Forir - bighonesty@gmail.com
Thierry Bornard - bollydoll@gmail.com

We need to spam them or send them viruses or chain letters or something. Whose with me?!?!

Freaking A dude. 2.5 hours for a commute its unacceptable.

For all the single ladies...

NASTY

GINUWINE (feat. Solé)

"Sex"

I gotta show the other freaky side of me
Girl i wanna give you every inch you need
Jump up in my truck and let me take you there
Let me ride you thru the night
I'm a sexaholic and im cool with it
So let me eat the kitty till i'm thru wit it
Wanna see you shake it 'cause you lovin' it
The pleasures all mine

I want it all the time
Its always on my mind
Its just a part of me
Sex I Love
I love it anywhere
The bed the floor or chair
Its just a part of me
Sex I Love

I want her to beg while im hitting it
Wanna see you beg while im diggin' it
Not Just In And out im a circle man
Everything i wanna feel
Hittin' every wall is the master plan
Gotta let you know the kind of man i am
Gotta put it down gotta rep to keep
I know how women talk yeah

I want it all the time
Its always on my mind
Its just a part of me
Sex I Love
I love it anywhere
The bed the floor or chair
Its just a part of me
Sex I Love

I want to feel you close to me
And never will i let you go
The feeling of love is something that i need
And this is something that you gotta know

You see you already know tha kind girl i am
Need a mean long stroke and a video cam
Cherry bra high heels i ain't entice my man
Making love by the tub playing one of your jams
Then in front of the mirror watch me work the pole
Then i work you on the chair till i reach my goal
When i bring it to the floor let you take control
See me bend while you dig, see this thing is gold
My weakness, pretty niggas with big sticks
That do tongue tricks
Starring in our own porno flicks
Turn you on like a light switch
Hard as a brick
'cause you lovin how im moving it and its extra thick
I'll have you anywhere bed floor or chair
And you can spank me hard and pull my hair
You see its all for you i aint the type to share
So you got dick for days and i got ass to spare

I like it
I love it
Its always on my mind

For Jo...

Single at last.

It's funny how things have a way of working out. For the past 24 years I have felt an overwhelming, intense amount of anxiety at making the smallest decisions. While I can see how silly that might seem, it's not like I can help it. It's not like I consciously tell myself to become a nervous wreck all the time. And while I can now recognize it, I'm still not sure how to stop it.

That being said, the difference is I am getting better at igorning it.

It's time to make a change. Not think about and talk about and dream about it, but actually JUST DO IT (thanks Nike).

Ever since graduating college, I have been regreting having to make decisions about my future. Wht if I make the wrong choice? And then Mr. Anxiety creeps in and it cripples me into doing nothing. And you know what? That's stupid. So what if I fail or make a bad decision! SO many things in life can be changed. There's no reason to walk around in fear, that's just silly.

Last weekend I was talking to Katie, the first time we had been face to face in almost 6 months. I realized how much I miss having her around. Katie is going places. She is going back to school, starting a new life with someone she really cares about and is generally moving forward. This is not to say that no one else is, but something she told me about making that decision made a lot of sense.

She was at a crossroads where she had several different paths that she *could* go down. The decisions were not easy. Then something happened, an everyday mishap and the result was her picking something that made sense to her. She follwed the signs and the result has been great. While I have not had as clear of an epiphany, I have realized that I might just be bad at listening to my signs.

If you are in a bad romantic relationship, do you endure it and stay with the person if they are making you miserable? Logically we would say no. No matter how entrenched you have become, it just doesn't make sense. And so why should this decision be any harder for the other areas of your life? Your job, your friendships, your general direction in life, if they aren't making you happy, get out and make a change. Stick with the things that you do love. Be with the people that you care about and who love you unconditionally. After all, if you screw up, you can always make a change and chances are, the people that you held onto will help you along the way if you stumble.

Monday, hard to wake up
Fill my coffee cup, I'm out the door
Yeah, the freeway's standing still today
It's gonna make me late, and thats for sure
I'm running out of gas and out of time
Never gonna make it there by nine

Chorus:
There's gotta be something more
Gotta be more than this
I need a little less hard time
I need a little more bliss
I'm gonna take my chances
Taking a chance I might
Find what I'm looking for
There's gotta be something more

Five years and there's no doubt
That I'm burnt out, I've had enough
So now boss man, here's my two weeks
I'll make it short and sweet, so listen up
I could work my life away, but why?
I got things to do before die

Repeat Chorus

Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create
You best belive that I'm not gonna wait
'Cause there's gotta be something more

I get home 7:30 the house is dirt, but it can wait
Yeah, 'cause right now I need some downtime
To drink some red wine and celebrate
Armageddon could be knocking at my door
but I ain't gonna answer thats for sure.
There's gotta be something more!

This pretty much sums up how I feel right now.

It's raining in Seattle. Go figure, right.

I'm so freaking tired right now. Rockstar isn't doing it for me today I guess. Oh well. I'm listening to some Willie Nelson and trying to decompress after invoicing.

I also just realized that my back is hurting. After moving heavy shit for the past few days I guess my muscles are finally trying to punish me. Hah! Don't they know I punish myself enough already.

I can't wait to go home.