Romance 101

When in doubt remember, calling a woman beautiful is never a bad thing. Here are some lovely options to compliment your sweetie in several different languages.

Beautiful is...
mooi-Dutch
beau-French
schön-German
bella-italian
bonita-spanish/Portuguese

Happy flattering.

Exit HERE

Why is it necessary for the stupid transit people to change the exits on the freeway and not tell you! It was bad enough that it took me over an hour to go 5 miles, but then to go past your exit and have to retrace your steps through heavy traffic is UNACCEPTABLE! Calling people in a panic because you don’t know where you are is never an appropriate “good morning.”

I admit that San Francisco is a fairly picturesque city and I am not exactly a timid driver, but c’mon. I’d prefer to cut out the packed commutes in favor of something a little more local. After all, I do enjoy my redwoods so.

Why is it almost October? How did this happen? I swear it was just August 2 seconds ago and now I have to hurry up and work on Halloween costumes before I run out of time. This is just crazy nonsense. Anyone else feel this way or am I crazy AND alone? ;)

Gotta have faith?

I don't consider myself a religious person. If I were ever going to pray for something, I imagine it would be for the health and happiness of my friends and family. At least something bigger than a material want or personal gain.

Sometimes in high school, while sitting in the chapel in the mornings, I could feel the sun beaming down on us while we listened to someone speak or the choir sing. I felt warm and safe and at peace. I get that feeling other times too. Like when I'm driving in the car alone or I look at Justin, Annie and Alex and realize how much I love them. It's times like those when I feel like maybe there is something greater than us out there.

And then I think about suffering children or great disasters and it makes it very hard for me to believe that's part of "the plan." It's a constant internal struggle. I like that I can question things and think for myself, but other times I wonder what it would be like to really believe in something. Not just because I was told to, but because that's what I felt passionately about and knew to be true. Maybe it's something that takes time or something that I will never find, I don't really know.

I keep having these weird dreams lately. They are really active and adventurous. And at least once a week I have dream about being pregnant. And just for the record, that's definitely not the case. It occurred to me that maybe the dreams do mean something. Maybe I am on the cusp of something new. A re-birth of sorts. It's time for a new me to come out of her shell and look at the world from a fresh perspective. I have no clue what I will find, but hopefully it will be something that I can stick with and feel good about.

Not a good time for grandmothers

My dad's mom in LA that has colon and now liver cancer tried chemo, but didn't tolerate it very well so they had to stop. It's not looking very good. She got really sick at home and we were pretty close to losing her. We all imagine she won't last much longer. It's hard because I know there's probably a lot of suffering ahead for her and she definitely doesn't deserve that. I don't get to see her very much since she's far away. And my grandpa, her husband who also happens to be a Dr, has alzheimers and is in denial about it. He isn't giving her the care she needs and has been refusing to get or allow any help. He goes off about how live-in caregivers are for "rich people." The man is loaded, although he probably doesn't even remember.

And to top it all off, my mom's mom has pneumonia and some sort of thyroid problem and is going to need surgery soon. Yeah, not good. Not that I'm trying to be a downer, I just never had to deal with this kind of stuff before. I guess I took having all my grandparents here for granted. Now I really feel that they are aging and that I am probably not going to have them all around for much longer. It makes me really sad and feel for those who have already gone through it or never got to have relationships with their grandparents in the first place.

Some casual observations

-The drive to SF during morning rush hour is no fun. Even with Sarah and No Name and their Sarah Horseica Parker references.

-Driving home late at night also blows. Although, I started to write a song in my head.

-Crunching cold M&M's vertically (does this make sense?) with your teeth is a good way to pass time. If you do it just right, you can get the shell to come off without damaging the soft chocolate inside.

-I still love my bed.

-Why are delivery company drop boxes in basements and parking garages of strange buildings? It's creepy.

-It takes longer to drive 5 blocks in SF than to pee at Starbucks. Especially with a Navigator limo staring you down.

-There's no such thing as too much broccoli.

-Jeri Ryan is a bitch, or at least she plays one on TV.

An exchange between co-workers

J: Company Name, may I help you?
M: Hey, it's M. Is K there?
J: Yeah, but she doesn't want to talk to you.
M: Why not?
J: Because she thinks you are funny looking.
M: What?
J: Just kidding, hold on.
K: Hello.
M: Is that true?
K: Is what true?
M: Do you think I'm funny looking?
K: What are you talking about?
M: Do you really think I'm funny looking?
K: Ummm...[stutters]...no.
M: Okay, well
[continues with intended business-related conversation]
K: [hangs up phone and turns to J] I hate you.
J: Why?
K: He thought you were serious. He asked me if I thought he was funny looking. What was I supposed to stay?
J: (laughing) I don't know, the truth?
K: yeah right.

Cloudy

What's wrong with me today? There's this crazy weather that's making me think about fall and the cold. It makes me think that I should be in school, but I'm not. And then I start to think about those dark days ahead. The days where it is dark when I get up and when I get home. It's no fun never seeing the sun. I found myself getting sleepy in my meeting, wishing the power would go out and that they would let us go home.

I think part of my problem is that parts of my job keep getting taken away from me. It seems like the things I do are slowly but surely being re-distributed to another. I want to know why, but feel like there is no one "safe" for me to ask. I guess I'm just generally frustrated with the situation. I'm trying to do something about it, but for now I just kind of have to sit back and wait.

Fair

The SCC Fair is so much fun. I have only ever been to the Santa Clara one and it is huge. Santa Cruz provided a whole different kind of vibe. It was laid back and you actually know people there. The kiddies enjoyed all of the rides and animals and of course fair food. Annie climbed a pretty big rock wall. Alex got up on stage for the magic show and chowed down on the cotton candy. Both of them did better on the carni rides that I would have thought. All in all, an excellent time. :-)

drip drip drop

I hate snot. Its dripping and running and needing to be blown. Where does it all come from??? Damn you red nose! I curse you pollen! 2 allergy medications, a box of kleenex and a nasal decongestant later and all I feel is grogy and sore-nosed. I even used the good tissue with the lotion. I'm so glad I spurged for the office. Sometimes forethought is priceless.

2 hours and counting until my date with my bed.

DOOD!!!

What's with Reunion not being on last night? I switched to Scrubs and then fell asleep during the commercial. So sad. Note to self, take out contacts BEFORE you turn on the TV. Thank you.

Crash-part deux

So I got a call from the woman who was in the accident that a posted about a while back. She wanted to thank me for giving her my card and seeing if she was okay. She's mostly just sore and in shock that the accident happened at all.

Basically the guy who hit her was a freaking moron. He didn't attempt to break at all. In fact, he denied that the intersection existed. To the police. While they were standing right next to it. The officer apparently then asked the man if he had been drinking and then did a search of the vehicle. And guess what they found. Several (as in 5-7) CRACK PIPES. That's right folks, the man was a bonafide crackhead!

It looks like given the evidence, the man will be charged and found at fault pretty easily, but I told her that I am happy to testify if need be. It just goes to show that not everyone in LG is a law-abiding-rich-pompous-goober.

Sugar High

I'm so antsy today it is ridiculous. I want to run around screaming like a 4 year old on a sugar high.

We are having a goodbye party for our VP of Ops who has been with the company for 13 years today. There will be a slide show and champagne and sushi. I'm extra excited because a bunch of the people from the SF office came down today for the celebration. Liam is sitting just across from me and we are entirely rotten influences on each other. I mean, we just spent 20 minutes looking online for his new fragrance. It smells pretty good too. Kellie also got me a yummy chocolate milk so that really doesn't help with the hyper part of me. Plus we are making fun of Eric by saying dude every 5 seconds. It's great.

I'm hoping that time will pass quickly and It will be 6:00 before I know it. Hah!

The sad thing is that I will most likely miss The OC tonight. I'm especially bummed because it was pretty good last week and Ericka just got me hooked. I have had little program loyalty since shows ended for the summer and I was looking forward to getting back into it. Hopefully I will make it back in time for Reunion.

Life of Leisure

Every time I drive by the little park in downtown Los Gatos at lunch, I see all the moms with their little kids playing in the fountains. It's always a great temperature and I am so tempted to just grab a blanket and a book and join them out there. Every day the temptation gets a little stronger too. I want to be able to play with kids in the beautiful sunshine.

Amy and I have a plan to win the lottery and the move to Hawaii and make purses. We will be able to afford whatever we want and we will have man-servants to do our bidding. In case that doesn't happen though, I'd settle for being one of those moms in the park. I can handle dirty diapers and bratty babies, I'm not so much with the temperamental VPs and catty office politics anyway.

Dreaming of Adventure

I had a freaky weird rad dream last night.

So I was at this boarding school place with dorms, but it also had a lot of art. It actually reminded me of a castle or a old New England Ivy League school from many years ago. So I was taking classes there and then all of a sudden it was the same physical location, but we were in Europe. There was a historic humongoid castle building that was being preserved there because it had some great significance.

I got special permission from their oversight committee to actually go inside and explore the rooms (somewhat Hearst Castle like) with my research group to study the art pieces. When we got inside, however we were chased around by "security people" although they were not associated with the building. It was very secret-society-ish. The next thing I know, my group was hiding out in some room when this girl who was just a little older than me and who looked remarkably like me, but with glasses, comes up ad tells us to follow her because she can explain why the men are chasing us. We follow and she explains that she and I are actually sisters and we are the descendants of the people who owned the castle. Our parents sent us away to live "normal" lives so that we would be protected from these greedy people (the ones chasing us) who are only after the family fortune.

At this pointy it is getting dark and so we feel it is safe for us to try to re-enter the castle. She gives me a set of keys that only she and I can use and they unlock the tower where our family treasure is kept. As soon as we try to cross the field to go to the castle people started to chase us and we were forced in different directions. I made it to the tower and started to climb a rope that was hanging from it.

And then I heard the shower and realized that I was waking up. Dammit. I tried to force myself to sleep a little longer so that I could finish my dream, but no luck. I'm surprised that I remembered as much as I did because I usually forget my dreams right away. Needles to say I had a very busy night and now I feel exhausted just thinking about my adventure.

Mean people suck

Why do some people feel the need to be so mean? Does it make them feel better about themselves? Do they think they are going to accomplish something? I just don't get it. I try to be generally pleasant, if not a little sarcastic, but I would never intentionally belittle someone or try to make them feel stupid. Not only would it not follow the Golden Rule (do unto others...) it's just not something I would like to do to another person.

Say, hypothetically, that you were trying to help someone do something. And the person whom you were trying to help belittled you and was extremely condescending. Wouldn't that confuse you? Don't you think that you would be rightfully confused and maybe a little hurt and pissed by it? Well I was. It sucks when you feel like you are in a position where you have no one to go to and no course of action when you are treated badly. It's not a position that I would like to continue to put myself in. I'm working on it but these things seem to take some time.

Why the vagueness? Let's just say I'm a reader of dooce.com. Yeah.

Crash Boom

Kellie & I saw an accident happen right in front of us on the way to Starbucks. It was crazy. Two cars were stopped at a stop light and the car in front of us didn't even brake, he smashed right into them. And then he hit them AGAIN. I don't know what the hell this guys was thinking, but he hit the woman in front of him hard. So hard that it made her airbags deploy, and let me tell you, that does not happen easily. Middle car woman ended up being sandwiched between the hitter and a Volvo, so her car is pretty much F*ed. While it was happening this probably 10 year old boy, who was riding his bike on the sidewalk, stopped and stared right at us for about 30 seconds in shock and the mouthed "O-H S-H-I-T!"

They pulled off to the side just past the intersection and I got out to give her my business car as a witness and to see if she was okay since it looked like she was fairly pummeled and the first thing she said to the hitter is, "could you stop hitting me already?!?!" I knew she was okay then. Some people just don't pay attention.

As we were driving off Kellie reminded me how lucky we were. A few seconds earlier and that could have been us. And that's just not something that either of us need to be dealing with right now.

On the way back to the office we saw the meter maid cops were there in their motorized trikes taking reports and making sure things were hunky dorey. Gotta love Los Gatos and the meter maids responding to an accident.

Give a little bit

Sometimes you just have to give a little.

Give a little bit
Give a little bit of your love to me
Give a little bit
I'll give a little bit of my love to you

There's so much that we need to share
Send a smile and show you care

See the man with the lonely eyes
Take his hand, you'll be surprised

Now's the time that we need to share
So find yourself, we're on our way back home

Going home...
Don't you need to feel at home?
Oh yeah, we gotta sing

Meaning through Taro

There's a lot of crazy stuff going on lately. A lot of hurt, a lot of snickering and bickering and talking behind backs. I lot of one-sided conversations. I lot of unnecessary meanness and name calling and judgment. A lot of crying and thinking and wanting to know why.

I can't provide reasons as to why this is all necessary. I guess the thing to do is try to push through it all understanding that you can't fix everything or force people to want to be kind. Try to weather the storm in anticipation of sunny days to come.

Believe it or not, I got most of this off a taro card site. It hit me just right though.

I feel that many around me and even I…
make judgments, as in:
having a day of reckoning
making an appraisal
getting off the fence
using critical faculties
taking a stand
making hard choices

Hopefully soon I will…
feel reborn:
awakening to possibilities
transforming
enjoying renewed hope
making a fresh start
seeing everything in a new light
discovering joy

Lately I have been…
hearing a call:
recognizing your true vocation
feeling inner conviction
feeling an impulse to act
deciding to make a difference
feeling drawn in a new direction
knowing what you must do
answering a need

Eventually I hope to…
find absolution:
feeling cleansed and refreshed
releasing guilts and sorrows
forgiving yourself and others
atoning for past mistakes
unburdening yourself
feeling sins washed away

Camping was fun. I learned that no matter how much deet I use, mosquitos love me, and perhaps only me. I have about a bajillion bites ON MY FACE. Yeah. And would I do it all over again? Hell yeah.

I love exploring little corners of the wilderness. I think my resolution for next summer should be to actually camp as much as I want to.

Highlights?
-Strawberry preserves
-Carson
-Wood breaking teeter totter
-No fire until 6:30
-Is it dark yet?
-Chips
-Bongos
-Butterflies
-Porch Swings

Lowlights?
-BIFFYs
-Injuries
-Mosquitos
-Not wanting to meet my sister
-1970's Soultrain

Over the river and through the woods...

I am very excited about camping. I have been excited for a long time and now I finally get to go. It's been a long week and I can't wait to get away from it all and play in the wilderness and hike and swim and just be in nature.

Sometimes I feel tempted to move to a cabin in the woods and just hide away. When my mom was in her early 20s she worked for the forrest service in Glacier Park. She lived there during the summer and worked as a seasonal employee to fill the needs of the seasonal tourists. I can't imagine how cool that would be. I'm tempted sometimes to just go for it. The problem is I am scared to death of risking it all. Not that there's much to lose, but I have craved dependability and stability ever since I lost those things when I was pretty young. I have a really hard time letting go and just going for it. It gives me anxiety, bad. But now I'm getting to the point where I think I might just have to go for it. My dependable, somewhat boring, life just isn't getting the job done. If I screw up and fail, so what. I have people around me that love me and won't let me fall apart without offering to help pick up the pieces.

And so I look forward to the fresh air and whatever I may find in the lovely woods of CA and hope that things may just be a little clearer for me when I get back too.