Craziness all over the place. Busy times and I fell like things are changing, hopefully for the better.

Is it crazy that I love both The 1940s House on PBS and Rockstar INXS at the same time? I'm a silly chica I guess.

A bunch of people in my office are all restless since it is the end of the month and the end of a billing cycle, which means stretching time to the fullest. It makes me glad I am not an account person.

Quote of the day:

No, you can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
And if you try sometimes you find
You get what you need

Ode to the trampoline

Oh Trampoline how I love you so.
You make my calves ache,
my lungs burn,
my body sweat,
Yet I can't stop myself from coming back for more.
I love you and your lovely physical punishment.


I learned that my mom told my friends that she had to buy the trampoline to keep me coming to visit her. I could have told her that the babies are enough, but then I wouldn't have a trampoline to play with.

Kids get all the fun toys. Alex got a rocket launcher for his b-day, plus they have the slip'n'slide. And that's just the beginning. The babies keep me young and I love it.

I'm not in the mood for any of it. None. All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat crackers and Alouette spread and then take a nap. Instead I am at work. And I'm tired and my sinuses are trying to leave my body, but they can't, so they are screaming with pain instead. It makes it so much fun to try and concentrate. Yeah.

I guess I'll have to settle with just the spread and complaining. Aren't you glad that you are not Kellie!

I swear some day I will have money and then I will take a vacation. For a long time. It will be great.

Oh, and I know this is completely unrelated, but trampolines rock. That is all.

Gossiping

Definitions of gossip on the Web:

•chitchat: light informal conversation for social occasions
•dish the dirt: wag one's tongue; speak about others and reveal secrets or intimacies;
•a report (often malicious) about the behavior of other people; "the divorce caused much gossip"
•a person given to gossiping and divulging personal information about others
•chew the fat: talk socially without exchanging too much information;
•Gossip is both the act of spreading news from person to person, especially rumors or private information, and the news spread through the act of gossiping. While this is one of the oldest and (still) the most common means of spreading and sharing information, it is also notorious for the introduction of errors and other variations into the information thus transmitted. The term also carries implications that the news so transmitted is of, usually, a personal or trivial nature.

So that's what the web thinks.

Recently there has been a lot of talk about gossip around me. I think gossip can encompass many different things. I also think that no matter how determined you are not to participate everyone gets sucked into it at one point or another. When people talk about others, you are naturally curious. Even the most well intentioned person can say something that gets interpreted as hurtful when that was never their goal.

While I find celebrity dirt somewhat amusing and entertaining, it's very different from comparing the sordid details of Brangelina from those of your nearest and dearest. But how do you find a balance between discussing things that are happening in your life that are effected by those around you and particpating in what is commonly called gossip? The fact is that lives intersect and we are all tangled up with the people around us. Relationships are tricky things and sometimes you need help figuring them out. Walking that tightrope between saying enough that someone can help you sort through what's bothering you and oversharing things that would be hurtful if they got back to the person of whom you are speaking is a dangerous game.

I know that I am far from perfect and have made mistakes, whether unintentional or not, that have hurt people. I think that all you can do is stop, think about your situation and confront what is happening. Venting serves a purpose, yes, but there is the possibility that someone will bring those things back to someone else in a hurtful manner that is just not okay. Ignoring problems and people won't make them go away, it just causes more hurt.

And so I suggest that we tread lightly in the gossip arena. Remember, nothing you say on the internet is really annonymous or private. Someone somewhere will read it and if you think it will hurt them, why don't you just say it to them directly instead. After all, it doesn't make much sense to repremand the gossipers in gossip yourself.

Today I am playing 50s housewife with a pretty floral dress and curled up hair. It's fun playing around with clothes and although I can get lazy about it, I still enjoy changing it up. I think one day I will have a super fab time making Halloween costumes and outfits for my kids like my mom did for me. 50s housewife she ain't, but creative for sure. I've felt introspective lately and I think that brings out the "artist" in me, as in I crave things that let me create and think and feel. Who knows how long it will last, but for now I'm rather enjoying it.

Sometimes I wish I could do something artistic really well. I can't play an instrument or build things well or sculpt or draw or sing like a pro. Sweeping mediocrity has it's place, but I get intimidated by the people who really are great at something. I think I'll just have to work on getting past that and just do what I like.

I think I have a crush on Keith Urban. And Carey Hart.

That's so Raven

No I'm not talking about the show on the Disney channel.

This weekend was crazy. I've been in a very non-drinking mood lately, but I finally let myself act 24 and not 64 and switched from the water to mandarin vodka. And I was mighty tasty I might add.

Seeing Amber was nice. I forget how things used to be when SC was still packed with people I knew in college. I miss it. And although I still detest the smoke of the Red Room, I can say with confidence that it won't kill me to go there every once in awhile. After all, Alitash does know everyone in SC and it can't hurt to meet more people.

I have to say that Bocce was a definite favorite. Not only do I adore kicking ass, but I let myself have fun a flirt a little. And it actually felt good to do that for a change. It makes me wonder why I can turn into the scrooge so easily. I am also renewed in my knowledge that I do not get guys. I just don't. Maybe being a hardass is a good thing every once-in-awhile. I'm glad that I am confident and self-aware enough at this point in my life that I can say what I want (or don't) and mean it. Vague enough for you?

And then on Sunday Amy came to see me in SC! What a treat. After all, we are catty, big-footed ladies who mesh just right. And the Dukes of Hazzard wasn't as dumb as I thought it would be. Highlights?

-nekkid people
-mandarin vodka
-reading lips, fast
-jeans
-showering
-talking for hours
-naps

Sometimes I try to pretend I'm da'bomb, but really it just isn't true. I'm a big dork and we all know it. I like to think of it as endearing. Yeah, that's it. :-)

Do you want to know why I took this picture? Well, I happened to leave my overnight bag in my car while I was at work and it seems my deodorant melted at some point during the day. Well when I went to brush my teeth, I forgot all about the melting incident until I realized that my toothpaste tasted funny. Oh wait, that's not toothpaste...It tastes like, yes, deodorant. My mouth had a horrible, metallic, bitter taste for hours. Gum only made the situation marginally tolerable.

I took this picture to see if anything was going wrong with my tongue, like if it was going to fall off.

Word to the wise, do not ever use deodorant as a replacement for toothpaste. Just don't

Consider this my little PSA for you.

Conversation of the day:

In case you men are wondering what we really talk about...

J: My feet hurt. They always hurt. I am a big person with big feet.

A: I'm a short person, with wide feet.

J: I'm a tall person with wide feet! :-)
No wonder we get along so well!

A: Wide feet and love to be catty. We're perfect for each other.

J: If only one of us was a man! hahahaha. :-P

A: I was going to say something like, you're taller you get to be the man. But I'm not. I'll just go with the "or we could be lesbians", which is never going to happen.

J: Yeah no thanks. Sorry, but I need me someone with man parts. :-)
It's too bad though. Sometimes I think it would be nice not having to try and figure guys out.

A: me too, really need the man parts. No fake ones will do.
Yeah, but women can be just as hard to figure out.

J: Yeah, but we have the unique perspective of BEING a woman. No guy can really get PMS or sore boobs or feeling fat when externally you look exactly the same like a woman can. Even though you have all of the societal taboos I think the convenience of like-mindedness would be a great benefit.

A: True. But I'm glad they don't know everything. Some things they should know and understand, but not all.

What it would be like if I met Danielle Steel...

I can see it now...

She walks into the room, expensive Chanel perfume wafting behind her. She would be dressed to the 9's with her 6-carat diamond earring straining her delicate lobes, a necklace with baubles the size of golfballs and as many bracelets as she could slide onto her slim, boney wrists. She would, of course, wear designer reading glasses and be as petite as can be, size 2 at most. She would be appropriately dressed for a summer day - white pants and an suitably conservative, yet figure skimming, top. She would be elegantly coifed, her "appropriated" hair dyed strawberry blonde. And I'm sure she would never give people her real name for fear of being mauled by the masses upon recognition. No, she would have something benefitingly classy for just these instances.

Of course, being the lowly individual that I am, I'm sure I will never have the privilege of meeting Ms. Steel, but then again you never really know.

...if you don't

I cried in the car this morning listening to this song. Somtimes things just hit you a certain way. Especially when you feel wounded or hurt or tired. I've always liked it, but now I have a new appreciation for its depth.

I don't know if I'm more scared of never finding someone to love deeply or falling for them and they don't love me back.

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't


I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

Flies to Honey

I wrote this a few weeks ago and decided to think about posting it. I have decided that it's something that I want to put out there because I feel it needs to be.

You know the girls I am talking about. Every girl (and probably guy) knows at least one. And, honey, if you don't then you just might be one.

They are the ones who make it seem like they need your attention and support until they can get it from a someone new and then you are SOL, old news. I wouldn't say they are fair weather friends, because they can be very supportive, but that support is inconsistent.

Maybe because it has happened to me several times that I am sensitive about the subject. I've yet to be able to define that "it factor" that some people posses that naturally attracts other people to them. It may be confidence, but I think there is something beyond that. They are the people that end up as the center of attention on a regular basis. And it's not like they necessarily try to do this, it just happens that way. You could call them the FTH or flies to honey people.

Then there are the flies. Not literally flies of course, but the people who find themselves inexplicably drawn to the FTH's. They become the notches in the belts, the adoring fans and followers. Beyond that are those who are usually content to hang on the outskirts. They may be shy, insecure or just don't dig the spotlight in general. Now I may not have touched on all categories of people at social functions, but these groups do exist. And I think that different social situations can bring out different qualities in the same person.

And yet I digress. So the FTH girls usually aren't single very long no matter how hard they seem to try. They can't help it, people just flock. And when they are single or after that "honeymoon period" in their new relationship has worn off they tend to come back as if no time has passed and want to pick up where they left off with you. The problem with this is that while they were off enjoying their new relationship, you felt somewhat abandoned. Not that they ignored you completely, but things just weren't how you were used to them being. Or maybe they were, and that's the problem.

When you are constantly putting yourself out there for another person you deserve a certain amount of respect and consideration. It's perfectly acceptable for them to be happy in a new relationship (and it could be a new friendship too) but it feels pretty crappy being left behind. And when there are problems or things come crashing apart you know that you will still be there for your FTH girl because you do really care about them, it's just that you get tired of the ups and downs. And it makes you wonder if they would be as understanding if the situation was reversed.

Things I learned in Vegas...

-> 95 degrees at 11:30 at night is not only normal, it's kind of nice.
-> No matter how many times you try to stress "girl weekend" it's inevitable that your boy-obsessed friend will find some way to talk to the BF pretty much 24/7
-> Smoke is gross
-> I still see no point to gambling. Yes you have that potential to win, but you have a much greater potential to lose it all. And you could have spent that money on a great pair of heels.
-> There is no rhyme or reason to slot machines.
-> The mean age of bingo players is 79, at least.
-> Whole conversations can be had over new ways to improve the "dobber"
-> My stomach does not like Vegas (but I don't care, I will be back)
-> There are no visible clocks anywhere in the casinos
-> The giant drinks at the bayou on Fremont street rule.
-> The best looking people are at the Hard Rock Hotel
-> The oldest are at the Hilton
-> When they say "salsa night at the beach" they really mean, "salsa in a small room upstairs where only 2 people are dancing and everyone is short."
-> Tiaras don't like to stay put.
-> There should be rules about male strippers and mandatory ass-hair removal. I mean it. If I'm paying $45 you can at least keep it smooth.
-> There is a difference between the "fresh vomit" smell and the "stale vomit" smell. I can't decide which is worse.
-> Just because you CAN stay up until all hours doesn't mean that you HAVE TO.

I am too tired to go on, but I'm sure that there is much more.

Spoiled

I am 1 spoiled girl. :-)
Plus I took those pics with my new digicam. mmm hmm. It's the good life.

Even though Vegas didn't turn out how I thought it would, I am constantly reminded that I have great people around me and for that I feel truely lucky. Thank you everybody.