Relief

We are moved. After an exhausting weekend of boxes, dust, mores boxes, more dust, 10 gazillion wine glasses, lots of advil and some wonderful helpers we are all into our new house. I still love the floors as much as when I first saw them. And I am surprised at how much my furniture makes me feel like I am still at home, even though the location is different. Yes I did cry irrationally in my last night on Clay, but my little brother, some TLC and a Jack in the Box run at 1:00am did the trick.

The noises and smells and nuances of our new place are still a mystery to me, but I think that is something that will simply take time to get used to. And for those of you who know me well, consider the fact that I wore no make up or real clothing pretty much alll weekend. That tells you how pooped I was. :-)

Last night Ericka, Dan and I settled in to some McD's and King Arthur. It was perfectly satisfyling and just what I needed. And although I have been pretty damn grumpy and irritable for the past few weeks, today I feel like a weight has been lifted. Now if I could only force myself to take all of my leftover crap to Goodwill. Did I mention I have 10!!! + bags of stuff that I am getting rid of? I guess that means it is time to go shopping...just kidding.

I hope everyone had a nice long weekend.

Guess what the word of the week is...;-P

Types of procrastinators

It may help to think in terms of two fundamental kinds of procrastinators: one tense and the other relaxed.

The tense type often feels both an intense pressure to succeed and a fear of failure; the relaxed type often feels negatively toward his/her work and blows it off--forgets it--by playing (Solomon and Rothblum, 1984). John, described early in this chapter, is the relaxed type; he neglected his school work but not his socializing. This denial-based type of procrastinator avoids as much stress as possible by dismissing his/her work or disregarding more challenging tasks and concentrating on "having fun" or some other distracting activity; if their defense mechanisms work effectively, they actually have what seems like "a happy life" for the moment. More about this type later.

The tense-afraid type of procrastinator is described by Fiore (1989) as feeling overwhelmed by pressures, unrealistic about time, uncertain about goals, dissatisfied with accomplishments, indecisive, blaming of others or circumstances for his/her failures, lacking in confidence and, sometimes, perfectionistic. Thus, the underlying fears are of failing, lacking ability, being imperfect, and falling short of overly demanding goals. This type thinks his/her worth is determined by what he/she does, which reflects his/her level of ability. He/she is afraid of being judged and found wanting. Thus, this kind of procrastinator will get over-stressed and over-worked until he/she escapes the pressure temporarily by trying to relax but any enjoyment gives rise to guilt and more apprehension.
From:http://mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/chap4/chap4r.htm

And which one am I.

Procrastination

This sums up my attitude about packing. It's a good thing my sense of duty usually prevails. :-)

Clover and Bok-Bok

KROMDRAAI, South Africa (Reuters) -- A pair of orphans have formed an unlikely bond on a South African game park although horns and a love for horse pellets are about the only things they have in common.

Clover is an 11-month-old female rhino calf who was orphaned in the wild when her mother was slain by poachers.

Her constant companion these days is Bok-Bok, a young goat who was also lonely and abandoned.

Improbably, the two made a perfect match and have become inseparable companions at the Rhino and Lion Nature Reserve about 18 miles northwest of Johannesburg.

"One would never have thought that a rhino and a goat would get on very well. We were all shocked," said Fran Berkowitz, one of their handlers, as side-by-side the pair tucked into a meal of lucerne, a kind of hay used to feed wild game.

"It's amazing that two different species can get on so well," she said.

The two sometimes playfully butt heads and spend most waking moments close together.

Clover of course is quickly dwarfing Bok-Bok, whose name is Afrikaans for "goat-goat."

A white or square-lipped rhino -- the second largest land mammal on Earth after the African and Asian elephants -- she may eventually reach around 4,000 pounds...

White rhinos were pushed to the brink of extinction a century ago but conservation efforts saved them and they now number several thousand.

Clover is now in good hands -- if unusual company.

"They rely so much on each other, especially the goat. If we let them out for a walk and the rhino goes walking on its own the goat goes absolutely mad," Berkowitz said.

Still, the time will come when they have to part. In a few months Clover will be released into the 3,460-acre reserve to roam with 10 other rhinos.

But Bok-Bok, who has already proven herself as a "surrogate rhino," may have another orphan to look after by then.(from CNN.com)

I thought this was a nice story. Plus, if a goat and a rhino can be friends, why can't the rest of us find a way to get along. I guess animals are nicer.

Crappy 'tude

You know what I dislike? People who give their opinions on things that they know nothing about or tell you that something is your choice when it really isn't at all.
Example: Several people in my office are at our SF location today because they are going to the Giants game tonight. Fine, good for them. I decided to not go awhile ago because I knew I would be moving and short on time, patience and cash.

Anyway, there are only 3 of us in the open area of the office right now plus 3 people in offices. Apparently it wouldn't be a good idea for 2 of us to go to lunch together because that would "strand" the third person. Like they would have to get the phones alone (with the other 3 people), and greet visitors alone (with the other 3 people) even though the only ones we get are the UPS and FedEx men, and they couldn't use the restroom (except the other 3 people will still be there). I might also mention that one of us has been left alone on several occasions and none of us give a rat's fanny if we are "alone" while other people get food.

Can you tell I'm annoyed and stressed? ;-)

Anyway, Even though it isn't a big deal I am totally pissed off in general and I just want to go home. I have too much to do and thinking about it is making me even more agitated. And on top of that my big moving helper, my brother, bailed on me because he is irresponsible and immature and can't commit or follow through with anything that is not in his best interest. I love him dearly and I have rearranged plenty of things in my life for him. I am saddened by his attitude and inability to plan ahead or think beyond himself.

Can you tell now?

So I have to decide what to eat for lunch that won't upset my already annoyed stomach and sit alone with whatever that is. Joy, I can't wait. I feel even worse for the poor fools who are stuck in the office with me and my crappy attitude. Here's to hoping it gets better next week.

Boxes and boxes and more...

I am so sick of boxes, packing tape and newspaper that I could scream. How the hell did I amass such a huge amount of crap??? I am now the garbage queen. I am throwing out or giving away anything questionable and not of significant emotional value to me. That means keeping pictures but tossing old cards, ceramics I made in HS and shoes that I have never worn. And that part feels good, but things are moving so slowly. And a little help would be nice. I realize that it is mostly my stuff, but if you used it too, don't you think you should help? I feel like no matter how much I pack and even though the boxes are stacking up, there is still so much to do. I look around and just see more work ahead. At least I have a nice little group all set for next weekend if all goes well.

I'm excited and sad and exhausted and relieved all at the same time. It's a stressful time. And it's not even hardest for me. Be gentle with us who are moving for the next week or so please. We are at the end of our ropes, so to speak, and could use a little patience. Thanks.

Birthday Blues (already)

So, I know it is silly, but anyone who knows me SHOULD know that I am a birthday Princess. I'm a nut. I love to be pampered and spoiled and all the rest. In return I rarely forget the birthdays of others and I try to make them special on their days. When I was little my dad would tease me that July was my "birth month." It's true. But you know, that's what happens when your parents split. You get 3 parties, 1 with mom, 1 with dad and 1 for your friends. I came to expect it.

When I was 10 my dad missed my birthday because he was off in Montana getting in touch with nature or something. I was devastated. Yes I got a TV which was huge for a kid, but I was so sad that he wasn't there with me.

Even now I have a certain mushy sentiment concerning birthdays. I get all excited in the weeks before and have this buildup that's just like Christmas. And even though it is months away I have already started to think about it. Part of the grown up life stuff is planning ahead so I have been forced to think about it. A few months ago my mother informed me that she and my stepdad, little sister and little brother will all be in Germany this year for my birthday. Now I realize that I'm only turning 24 so it's not like this should be a big deal, but I'm totally bummed. Everyone is so busy. It's like being a kid when my best friend's family always scheduled their summer trips so that she couldn't come to my parties. Trey sucky. I just hope that when the time comes I get to have some fun with my friends and try to let go of the disappointment. And that is had for me.

What Women Really Mean

Veronica forwarded this to me and I thought I'd share it because it gave me a good laugh. Enjoy.

WORDS WOMEN USE

FINE - This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES - If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five
minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more
minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING - This is the calm before the storm. This means "something,"
and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing'
usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD - This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH - This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal
statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks
you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here
and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a
woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think
long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your
mistake.

THANKS - A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just
say you're welcome.

Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments
they can avoid if they remember the terminology! And send it to your
women friends to give them a good laugh! Oh, and before we forget.

"Whatever" - ...it's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU!

Sometimes when driving over 17 you need to be a little extra aggressive in order to get over. I fully admit this. I still signal, but just because you sped up to try to stop me from getting over doesn't mean it's going to stop me. This woman did just that this morning. There was a huge line of trucks that I was not going to be stuck behind. After I got over she started tailgating me which is very annoying. We were almost to the summit and I noticed that there were some ominous looking clouds up ahead and the woman was driving a convertible. I laughed to myself how funny it would be if it rained and soaked her perfectly done hair and leather interior. And then it did. It was great. Made my day since you frequently encounter jerks when you have to drive over the hill 5 days a week and can't really do anything to retaliate. Sweet justice.

Moving

So, I'm moving. It's an intersting thing for me, the whole process. Last night we met with out landlord and signed the lease and worked out the details. Now all I have to do is pack and clean and sort. I've been at the shanty for almost 5 years now. That's a pretty long time. I tend to be a nester and a pack rat. I have so much stuff I'm not sure what I'm going to do with all of it. I'm a little sad to be leaving the familiarity of my little place, but I know it's time to move on.

Oh, and the closets are fabulous. I mean HUGE! I'm seriously in love. I have way too much crap right now, but in the new place I will have room to put everything away and organize it properly. I can't wait since I had to put stuff in boxes for the open house so my room would not look as cluttered. I'm really hopin that this will be a positive move and a step in the right direction.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Thanks again Caitlin :0)

The Cheer

Rickety Rickety Ram
Son of a Bitch God Damn
Christ Almighty
Rip off her nighty
Rah Boom Fuck

Family

Having great family is so important. Knowing that you can call on them when things get bad is invaluable. Sometimes that just means a ride in the middle of the night, a big hug, playing with your hair because they know it calms you or knowing that things just aren't right. As much trouble as I sometimes feel like they are, I know that when the going gets tough, they love and support me. I'm very lucky for that.

I hope Annie & Alex are lucky enough to be as close as Justin and I are. For all of his annoying little quirks and irresponsibility, he cares more than pretty much anyone on the planet. Thanks little Bro.

Remember before when I said it is very important to eat before drinking? Well I guess I should add, don't drink sizable amounts of tequilla on a weeknight and expect that you will be okay the next day. Because you won't. Your head will hurt, your tummy will churn and you will wish you could take your bed with you while cursing the sun. Yes you have fond memories of 5-5-05, but 5-6 just wasn't all that. Here's to a night in of packing and cleaning. Oh boy.

Maybe if I'm lucky I will get to have some yummy pad thai noodles. That would make me a happy camper. And I have to remember that I do get to go to Great America tomorrow and kick some ass on the roller coasters. I'm very excited about that. Very excited. And if I can muster enough courage I might even do the giant swing.

Cinco de Mayo

Who's ready for a party?
What better way to celebrate the Mexican army kicking some French snooty ass than drinking ourselves silly and stuffing our guts with mexican food? The answer: there isn't. Viva la margarita y cerveza! Viva tacos y enchiladas! Thank you Mexico for giving us another excuse to party. Everyone's welcome at my house for 4th of July.

Complicated

Yeah...

"Complicated"

Uh huh, life's like this
Uh huh, uh huh, that's the way it is
Cause life's like this
Uh huh, uh huh that's the way it is

Chill out whatcha yelling' for?
Laid back it's all been done before
And if you could only let it be
you will see
I like you the way you are
When we're drivin' in your car
and you're talking to me one on one but you've become

Somebody else round everyone else
You're watching your back like you can't relax
You're tryin' to be cool you look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
Life's like this you
And you fall and you crawl and you break
and you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
and promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it
no no no...

War

War, uh, what's it really good for, absolutely nothing!

Maybe my inner hippie is just itching to get out, but I'm becoming more and more anti-war. And I don't mean crazy, stand on the corner of Ocean and Water opposed, just personally.

See, my cousin Matt is in the Marines. He joined just over 2 years ago, when he was 28 and had already graduated college. It was an odd choice to me, but I figured it was his decision. And then came all of the family holidays that were bordering on intolerable without him. And we stopped being so close. And we had finally just reached a place where we related as being at equal places in our lives. He's 7 years older so I've always been his little cuz. Then when I was in college and I finally started to do the sorts of things that he had been telling me about for years. He was/is my sounding board for my irrational or just whacky thoughts about relationships or pretty much anything. And he has some awesome stories. I was the only person he told the truth to about where he went when he was deployed last time.

And now he's going away again. Our lives are certainly different than they were 2 years ago when I visited him at boot camp graduation. He got married last Summer and I have begun the process of adult life after college, but somehow we can just pick up where we left off no matter what. There are very few people that I feel that way with. I'm just going to miss him more that I can even describe and I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to him. I know those of you with family members in the armed forces understand that. I hope that the next 8 months fly by with him home safely at the end.

It's corny when Sandra Bullock said it in Miss congeniality, but I really do want world peace.